Scientists Working on Entertaining Mike Fahey

Mike Fahey never stops proving how much of an uneducated, insensitive prick he really is. Not only does his recent post have zero to do with the video game industry, (something I give some leeway for if the article is about something exceptionally amazing), but it is littered with four paragraphs of intensely rude OP/ED reporting in regards to what the science and space community has achieved in the past four decades.

"After 37 years of broadcasting assorted human garbage to the universe at large, scientists are working on a protocol to insure future messages to extraterrestrial intelligences are more efficient and well-received. Can't we just use Twitter?"

Human garbage? Classy, Mike. Very classy. Also, a joke about using Twitter for communication with extra terrestrials! How very entertaining, mon frere!

"The Arecibo radio telescope in Puerto Rico broadcast its first messages into space in 1974, beaming a stream of binary code at globular star cluster M13 some 25,000 light years away. That message contained encoded information about human DNA, our solar system, and the telescope itself. Any alien intercepting this message would have likely been bored to tears, changing course towards a more interesting planet."

Mike, you are such an asshole. I can't fucking handle it sometimes. I really want you to think about the implications of what you write. You plainly have no concept of how incredible it was for the human race to understand our DNA structure, our solar system, and the ability to actually SEND this information somewhere 25,000 light years away. Do you even spend any time fathoming how great of a distance that is?

What makes this even worse is your assumption that an alien life form would find this boring to receive. I'm pretty sure that any life form with the technology to receive our data is intelligent enough not to consider said data to be BORING! (you fucking asshole.)

"Since then we've been sending all sorts of cultural crap into space. Pictures, sound bites, bits of music; the interstellar equivalent of pop-up ads. Ads that alien beings might not even be able to see or hear, depending on whatever passes for sensory organs in their culture."

Cultural crap. Amazing. Interstellar equivalent to pop-up ads. Are you fucking KIDDING ME? I hope one day an alien takes a god damn Polaroid of itself and beams it into your fucking hands so you can call it a cultural pop-up ad, you fucking HACK.

Secondly, I truly love that you make the point of these alien life forms possibly not having the organs to see or hear, but you absolutely assume they have the ability to be bored. God fucking Christ someone help me before I blow my brains out.

"The messages have also been rather anthropocentric, featuring humans and our culture prominently. Aliens must think we're so full of ourselves."

D:

... I'm done. Get eaten by a lion you piece of shit.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5752104/scientists-working-on-alien-communication-standards

Rice Overload

When my brother and I were young, we used to make a concoction called "dairy overload." We would devour a bowl of ice cream, alongside a tall glass of milk, and top it off with some yogurt of appropriate flavor. It was approximately 16 servings of dairy, well above what any nutritionist would recommend for daily intake, for fear of inducing a heart attack. What we have here is the very equivalent of dairy overload, except in the painful form of pure distilled JAPAN. Only instead of having the pleasure of eating it, it has being processed into a shitty journalistic form, and is being force fed through our eyeballs. The whole thing starts off with a banner at the top denoting that it's from japan, and is subsequently followed by a picture of not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR FUCKING JAPANESE PEOPLE. Oh but he's not done yet. Before you can recover from the one-two punch asscraft-san has delivered to you unsuspecting gut, he coup de graces you with an uppercut straight to the chin explaining how oto-san has a better relationship with his rice eating family. I think I've most definitely ingested about 3000% my recommended lifetime value of nihon with this one post. There's a tingling in my chest and left arm... Source: http://kotaku.com/5186742/wii-fit-helps-men-talk-to-their-families

You Are THE Worst Journalist To Date - Mike Fahey Is An Asshole: Part 3

It's reporting like this that just STEAMS MY NUTS. Here you have a man, who sits at home, or on location, or wherever the fuck he is, and somehow finds the audacity to, one, call half his readership morons, and two, make false claims on a corporation that is doing extremely well during this economic turmoil. If I wanted a fucking ED/OP piece I would go to a website that has reputable journalists with EDUCATED opinions.

You sir, Mike Fahey, are one of the most illiterate people I have ever seen on a major publication website, and yet you come trotting in on your high horse accusing half your readership of not being smart enough to understand simple net earnings and sales. The hypocrisy of this moment in time will stick with me forever.

Here's a thought. Lead by example. Explain to your readers why these numbers are important and why they should pay attention to them. Your readers are young and impressionable... maybe you can steer them on the proper course instead of them sitting at home learning how to improperly spell because of you.

Thinking this couldn't get any worse, I read on. Low and behold, what do I find? That's right, your shitty attitude towards a company that is booming. A company that is IN YOUR FIELD. A company that will be opening up 400 stores and giving NEW JOBS to people that are JOBLESS in this economic catastrophe. These jobless people are your GOD DAMN, MOTHER FUCKING READERS! But that doesn't matter, right? As long as you get to make an unprovoked jab using fabricated fact about the company for a couple chuckles from your 'moronic' readers.

Jesus Christ how do you not think about what you write before you write it? If I ever have the displeasure of meeting you in person, I find comfort in the knowledge that I will completely destroy you on a verbal level. You are filth.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5185277/gamestop-reports-record-2008-more-stores-imminent

While? Will? Potato, Potahto. It's The Periods That Matter!

No, I'm just kidding Who needs periods, right? Better yet who needs commas either or even apostrophes and question marks Its not like we cant perfectly read what someone is trying to say when they forget the most simplistic of things i know lets get rid of all capitalization too and then we can talk like every other single 18 year old piece of shit on the internet who somehow passed highschool and then got this stupid job writing ridiculous articles for a subpar but amazingly adored website

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183937/see-nintendo-demonstrate-rock-n-roll-climber

Kotaku Recruits Idiot From THE EAST. Oh Wait, It's Just Asscraft

DUDE. FUCK YOU. This is normally Nature Watch's area, but that boy is in the middle of killing himself because of your existance.

I never realized how often you do this. This blog not only brings Kotaku's consistent, daily, and unforgivable grammar to light, but it blows my mind how special you think you are for fucking living in NIPPON! God damn it. You are FROM AMERICA. If you are going to call us "The West" why on Earth don't you call yourself "The East"? How about changing it up a bit? Stateside. The USA. The United States of America. Cah-toon Land. Any of these are acceptable!

Barring all that... this game is not ONLY FOR JAPAN. Nice headline, moron.

Oh, and on something completely unrelated... Quit it with that minibash and microbash shit. You're a god damn adult. "My son did this... my younger son did that." See how pleasant that sounds?

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183035/bionic-commando-gets-firm-release-date-for-japan

Great Job, Gizmodo

I am now officially convinced that the entire gawker network is the biggest cesspool of mouth breathing, neckbeard sporting, fanny-pack wearing, leatherman equipped, wapanese faggots to ever walk to the face of god's green earth. I must say that I'm uncertain god exists if these fat fucks do as well.

I mean come on. This guy named MATT FUCKING BUCHANAN hates the way WHITE PEOPLE EAT ASIAN FOOD. I don't know what makes you so fucking special to be able detatch yourself from what you are, and somehow pretend you're a high and mighty yellow skinned savior. I don't understand how a whole company whose business is informative blogs can pack their staff with these assholes. It's like they're in a contest to see how many sites they can make that people don't want to visit.

I'm going to go do something less painful, like sticking my dick in an oven


Source: http://i.gizmodo.com/5175457/the-chopsticks-aid-turns-chopsticks-into-forks-for-lousy-white-people

New Post (Japan Time)

Really Brian? REALLY?? Like we didn't know you were speaking about yourself, once again, IN JAPAN!

Dear God we don't care about your fucking sleep schedule. Get a life! UGHGHGUEBGLKSRDjhbgfdsjkgvbnlkjb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5174905/what-should-i-do-tomorrow

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PROOFREAD ONCE!? WHY!?!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5172207/iphone-sims-3-unveiled-features-streaming-music-dlc

Voice Of Character Brian Kotaku

I really don't understand your sentence structure. Does living in Japan cause your brain to type in Engrish? Do you do it on purpose so people say to themselves, "Wow, his Japanese wife in Japan really has influenced his English way of speaking when submitting articles from Japan"?

Fuck man, maybe you went to a different school where they teach Martian grammar, but any normal human being can read that sentence and say, 'hey, something is wrong with how this sounds in my head!'

Source: http://kotaku.com/5170422/metal-gear-solid-4-voice-actor-makes-hollywood-production-company

Continuing In It Is Tradition, Kotaku Sucks With Grammar

Are you KIDDING me?!

IT IS?

IT IS?

IT IS?

Go back to school! I am begging you!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5170505/house-of-the-dead-overkill-breaks-f+ing-record

Murphy's Law

This is one of those asscraft posts that brings out the worst in nearly every possible way he's capable of doing it. First, we start off with the fact that he's posting about a game that is very unlikely to ever come out to the united states. Secondly, he spouts off the japanese name of it to show off that he can read moonspeak before translating it into english for us. Third, he references the game "Senko no Ronde". Now I'm willing to be only a little pissed off when he calls a japanese only game by it's chingchong title, but Senko no Ronde nippon kawasaki karaoke sushi fucking came out in the united states and it was called fucking "WarTech".

I don't understand how a man nearly in charge of one of the biggest gaming news sites on the god damn internet can exhibit such blatant and willful ignorance of not only what the readers care about, but also what they already know and are used to. What kind of arrogant, self-important, cock sucking douche starts cramming information down your throat about something you will never encounter, and then to help you visualize this meaningless bullshit he's putting you though, he compares it to something you should know, but in a way that's totally incomprehensible to you.

For christs sake, you people don't realize the hell I put myself through in writing these posts, for nothing more than to provide you with 30 seconds of entertainment. It fucking destroys every shred of sanity left in my body. Here's a picture of me during the process of creating these posts.


Source: http://kotaku.com/5169179/elementary-school-boy-arcade-shooting-game-coming-to-xbox-360