EGL Boner

Yes, a Gothic Lolita shooter is a novelty. I get it. What I don't get is why there are no less than TEN stories about this series in the last six months. There's even one about boob mousepads. Classy, guys.

Why don't you post some trailers or boob mousepads for a game that 99% of your readership CAN ACTUALLY PURCHASE. It's funny, when I search your site for Henry Hatsworth, a game that's been getting a lot of attention lately by real bloggers, I get TWO results. Maybe if Henry were an underage girl with huge squishy tits instead of a frumpy old Englishman, you guys would post more about him.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5222114/new-gothic-lolita-shooter-trailer

NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH JAPANESE LADY PLAYS VIDEO GAMES

HOLY SHIT POST SOME STREET FIGHTER STATISTICS TO MAKE THIS ABOUT VIDEO GAMES
OH MY GOD SOMETIMES GIRLS PLAY GAMES! I think to properly report that fact, you should post multiple pictures of AZN WMN!
I bet you've got her on speed dial on your minuscule DoCoMo phone with four Doraemon charms hanging off it, don't you, Brian? Oh wait, no, because you're married to a Japanese woman. I almost forgot what a huge fetish you have for Japanese women, that you demonstrate by posting multiple pictures of Japanese women.
I'm renaming your blog, douche.

Kotaku: The Gamer's Guide To Japanese Women By Someone Qualified To Tell You Because He Is Married To One

Source: http://kotaku.com/5189702/the-top-spelunker-player-in-japan-is-a-pin+up-model

Kotaku Recruits Idiot From THE EAST. Oh Wait, It's Just Asscraft

DUDE. FUCK YOU. This is normally Nature Watch's area, but that boy is in the middle of killing himself because of your existance.

I never realized how often you do this. This blog not only brings Kotaku's consistent, daily, and unforgivable grammar to light, but it blows my mind how special you think you are for fucking living in NIPPON! God damn it. You are FROM AMERICA. If you are going to call us "The West" why on Earth don't you call yourself "The East"? How about changing it up a bit? Stateside. The USA. The United States of America. Cah-toon Land. Any of these are acceptable!

Barring all that... this game is not ONLY FOR JAPAN. Nice headline, moron.

Oh, and on something completely unrelated... Quit it with that minibash and microbash shit. You're a god damn adult. "My son did this... my younger son did that." See how pleasant that sounds?

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183035/bionic-commando-gets-firm-release-date-for-japan

Brian Asscraft Wishes This Chick is His Japanese Waifu

Hey guise do you think if I make a post about this super kawaii idol lady that she'll acknowledge my shitty video game website!!!11!!

She wrote a book in 2005! She blogged a lot in 2006! Oh she got an Xbox 360.

RELEVANT! NEWSWORTHY!

Oh, wait, boobs, my bad. JAPANESE BOOBS SUMIMASEN BRIAN-SAN

Source: http://kotaku.com/5172863/everyone-wants-to-be-xbox-live-friends-with-shoko-nakagawa

Cah-toons

Jesus fucking christ. Two early admission animes stories in one day! Is Kotaku a gaming blog, or a win-a-chance-to-see-an-early-showing-of-anime-if-you-just-happen-to-live-in-japan-and-have-a-half-japanese-son-with-an-osaka-woman-that-you-are-married-to-and-have-sex-with blog?


Source: http://kotaku.com/5167812/see-valkyria-chronicles-anime-early-if-you-are-lucky