Flashback Friday: Asscraft 'Oblivious' to Proofreading 11 Years Ago

When I found this blast from the past I questioned how I could have missed it, and I think the reason is because Asscraft was hiding his best work on the Australian sister site of Kotaku. But that's fine with me because what a treat to find it 11 years later! Welcome to Flashback Fridays! (You shut your mouth I am aware it is Sunday today, KAREN).

Sigh... the title alone warned me to get ready, and sure, I have definitely changed over the last 11 years and cringed at some of the stuff I've said in the past, but even 11 years ago this would have boiled my blood. But before we get to the best part, no Asscraft article exists without a lack of proofreading:

Ah, the irony! I'll take sentences that make no sense god I wish you put a modicum of effort in to reading them just one time after writing them for 800, Alex.

"The answer is: 'That doesn't mean that she was obvious to Chun-Li — she wasn't.'"

What is Brian Asscraft's obliviousness to the word oblivious?

"Great job, Gaston. You have control of the board!"

I'll take scumbag misogynists who live in Japan and won't stop talking about their Japanese wife and Japanese schoolgirls for 1000, Alex!

"And THAT'S' the Daily Double. This scumbag who lives in Japan and won't stop talking about their Japanese wife and Japanese schoolgirls wrote this shitty line 11 years ago instead of standing up for the actress and calling out any fucking weeaboo that thinks in this manner."

Who is Brian Asscraft!

"Right again, Gaston. Bonus points for the correct pronunciation of his last name too. You're in the lead!"

Source: https://www.kotaku.com.au/2009/02/chunli_movie_actress_has_only_played_street_fighter_once-2/

Resident Cheese Beef Bowl Face Brian Asscraft Apologizes For Not Being Cool

Just kidding, he'll never do that because he's never going to start proofreading. Admit it, I got you with that clickbait didn't I? 

PLAYERZ. With a Z, Brian. Come on.

An apology? Apologies? Sega apologized? Wow, look at that. This writing stuff is easy. Maybe I should make content for a blog. Oh wait.

PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

Oh and secondly, it doesn't matter that Nagoshi is a SEGA exec, you god damn twerp, you shouldn't say those kind of things no matter who you are! (Unless you are a wonderful staff member of GJK specifically targeting terrible game "journalism" blogs). GOODBYE.

Source: https://kotaku.com/sega-apologies-after-producer-uses-slang-to-mock-puzzle-1844568653

Has Anyone Really Read Kotaku Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want Game Dicks to Look More Like?

OF COURSE
It's not about anime so why proofread shit? Dudes don't like reading about other dudes' dicks. They like reading about ANIME TIDDIES ONLY

http://kotaku.com/no-conan-dicks-for-you-xbox-one-1793076142

Purposeful Engrish? Or Actual Wapanese Conversion??

I'd like to quote a famous married couple to start off my emotions on this one:

"DIS SHIT DON'T STOP! WE AT IT AGAIN!"

Never mind fact that this considered "news" for game journalist website. Never mind fact that only 1% of Kotaku's readership is live in Japan. Never mind fact that no one care about operating system for store. It is problem when paid journalist cannot write for garbage, when write about garbage.

See what I did there? I recycled that shit. (OH WE AT IT AGAIN!)

Three seconds, Brian. Three seconds to quickly re-read your post and presto, errors fixed. Instead you just come off as a god damn illiterate hack that would rather use those three seconds to jerk off to anime statues until wifey gets home.

Source: http://kotaku.com/pokemon-center-runs-on-windows-7-1708135093

Readers, we love you too.

You feel us. Enjoy these choice keywords pulled from our Google analytics.We've lost a good chunk of our previous targets, but oh you're still our meal ticket. For Pocky. KAWAIIII

Screens Trades

So do the screens trade snowy landscapes for dusty jungles, or did you do that thing again where you stop halfway though a sentence, masturbate to DeathSmiles for an hour, then finish it without reading what you wrote before?

Nice touch naming the screenshot gallery "Lost" too. It matches your writing style perfectly.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5222452/here-are-four-lost-planet-2-screens

Pot, This Is Kettle. You're Black.

Animu bitches AND making fun of other peoples' mistakes both in one post? Man, Asscraft, it's like you write this shit right into our hands anymore. Wow they apparently spelled something wrong. Cause you never, ever, havFUCKING CHRIST I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5222191/whats-wrong-with-this-d3-publisher-trailer

This Article So That I Want To Die

Listen, you piece of shit excuse for a writer, I can't read your mind OR YOUR WRITING so you are going to have to tell me what I am supposed to be noticing in this screenshot of a game that I can't read anything on.
First of all, why is it relevant to mention erotic games? OMG TEHH SEXXXXX
Then, are you trying to tell me that this batch of screenshots SHOWS something? Because you weren't even close. Heavy on what? Using the same piece of art on the top screen? I sure don't know any DS games that do that. Especially ones that we play, here, in the West.
Infinite Space? More like INFINITE DRIVEL. Goddamn Kotaku is such a horrible blog I can't believe that advertisers pay Gakwer any money or even can bear to have their ads on this neverending stream of Internet diarrhea.

MY POKEMONS LET ME SO YOU THEM

Source: http://kotaku.com/5194722/what-do-you-notice-about-these-ds-screenshots