Showing posts with label kotaku idiot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kotaku idiot. Show all posts
Friday, July 31, 2020
It's 2020 And Brian "Cunt" Asscraft Is Still At It!
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Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Over the Years, Cunts Like This Are Have Been Will Could Them We ITS!
PROOFREAD. YOUR. FUCKING. BLOG. YOU. FUCKING. GOD DAMN. FUCKING. TOOL.
It's unreal. It's 50% of your posts, man. Just re-read them. Even after they have gone live. Re-read them and fix them.
You are the worst.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Scientists Working on Entertaining Mike Fahey
Mike Fahey never stops proving how much of an uneducated, insensitive prick he really is. Not only does his recent post have zero to do with the video game industry, (something I give some leeway for if the article is about something exceptionally amazing), but it is littered with four paragraphs of intensely rude OP/ED reporting in regards to what the science and space community has achieved in the past four decades.
"After 37 years of broadcasting assorted human garbage to the universe at large, scientists are working on a protocol to insure future messages to extraterrestrial intelligences are more efficient and well-received. Can't we just use Twitter?"
Human garbage? Classy, Mike. Very classy. Also, a joke about using Twitter for communication with extra terrestrials! How very entertaining, mon frere!
"The Arecibo radio telescope in Puerto Rico broadcast its first messages into space in 1974, beaming a stream of binary code at globular star cluster M13 some 25,000 light years away. That message contained encoded information about human DNA, our solar system, and the telescope itself. Any alien intercepting this message would have likely been bored to tears, changing course towards a more interesting planet."
Mike, you are such an asshole. I can't fucking handle it sometimes. I really want you to think about the implications of what you write. You plainly have no concept of how incredible it was for the human race to understand our DNA structure, our solar system, and the ability to actually SEND this information somewhere 25,000 light years away. Do you even spend any time fathoming how great of a distance that is?
What makes this even worse is your assumption that an alien life form would find this boring to receive. I'm pretty sure that any life form with the technology to receive our data is intelligent enough not to consider said data to be BORING! (you fucking asshole.)
"Since then we've been sending all sorts of cultural crap into space. Pictures, sound bites, bits of music; the interstellar equivalent of pop-up ads. Ads that alien beings might not even be able to see or hear, depending on whatever passes for sensory organs in their culture."
Cultural crap. Amazing. Interstellar equivalent to pop-up ads. Are you fucking KIDDING ME? I hope one day an alien takes a god damn Polaroid of itself and beams it into your fucking hands so you can call it a cultural pop-up ad, you fucking HACK.
Secondly, I truly love that you make the point of these alien life forms possibly not having the organs to see or hear, but you absolutely assume they have the ability to be bored. God fucking Christ someone help me before I blow my brains out.
"The messages have also been rather anthropocentric, featuring humans and our culture prominently. Aliens must think we're so full of ourselves."
D:
... I'm done. Get eaten by a lion you piece of shit.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Nice To Meet You, Here Are Some Words, Pretend I Went To School And Graduated With A Degree Only To Be Pulling The Wool Over All Your Eyes
You know what would be a great reality show? BRIAN ASSCRAFT DOES JAPAN. You see, no reality show is ever profitable unless the main focus is on a complete and utter moron, (or, to be fair, a group of individuals being amazing). But since we know that Brian has no chance of being the latter, we could make our big bucks by focusing on his retardedness.Actually, this is kind of similar to the whole Kotaku readership -> Brian's meaningless posts relationship. Brian gets paid to post absolutely ASANINE content, and we KEEP reading it. The human race is pretty amazing, but mainly horrendous, simply because the above statement is 100% our own fault.
It may seem like I am leading up to some huge insight to something, but really I'm not. I just wanted a nice buffer to prepare your mind for Brian:
"I don't know about elsewhere as I've never moved really in America!"
I never competed in NASCAR but I sure as hell know that those cars move really FAST.
"The plan is to introduce ourselves on either Saturday and Sunday to some of our neighbors (those living closest to us) and give them the towels."
WHOOOOOA. I feel like Neo taking the red pill! Those living closest to me are.... my neighbors? FUCKING WILD.
Source: http://kotaku.com/5222535/nice-to-meet-you-here-is-some-detergent-be-nice-to-me
Monday, April 6, 2009
Kotaku Is Realistically Pathetic
It's only a matter of time, I feel, before they find out about this blog and possibly curb their lack of proofreading. But by then I'll be rich and famous and shooting H inbetween my toes.
(This is funny if you know me in person and realize that the possibility of me doing H is greater than the possibility that Kotaku would ever start proofreading).
P.S. What I was to see WAS... or... What I WANT to see is. Pick one, Mike.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
This Just In: Mike Fahey On Course To Graduate High School In A 2350
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Really, Mike? Do you REALLY think you can get away with a sarcastic remark about someone else's poor writing skills while moments prior you construct an illegible sentence? Nevermind the fact that the press release is obviously written by someone that did not have English as their first language... you have the upper hand of being born here, (The West, in case you're reading, Asscraft), and you still can't proofread your articles for simple, completely noticeable mistakes.
Let's not even talk about the lack of commas in that bottom paragraph. Good lord.
You blow a mind.
Monday, March 30, 2009
What's A Japan?
Holy shit, Brian, your kid didn't know what a radio was?! Man that's so shocking! Maybe you should mention a cotton gin or mining cart, you know, to see if he questions that too. OOH OOH! Make some lude reference to TITS or DILDO and see if he questions those items as well!
Revelation: People ask questions about things that are new to them! I'm sure when you were a little Mini-Bash faggot you asked the exact same question, even though the radio was more prevelant in your time.
Editor's Note: Maybe because you forgot to pronounce it rajio or write it down in kanji: ラジオ
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Goodniught, Sweet Prince
Normally I don't like to nitpick over the smaller mistake you idiots make, but really, over the course of weeks, days and niughts, it's amazing how much it adds up.You Are THE Worst Journalist To Date - Mike Fahey Is An Asshole: Part 3
It's reporting like this that just STEAMS MY NUTS. Here you have a man, who sits at home, or on location, or wherever the fuck he is, and somehow finds the audacity to, one, call half his readership morons, and two, make false claims on a corporation that is doing extremely well during this economic turmoil. If I wanted a fucking ED/OP piece I would go to a website that has reputable journalists with EDUCATED opinions.
You sir, Mike Fahey, are one of the most illiterate people I have ever seen on a major publication website, and yet you come trotting in on your high horse accusing half your readership of not being smart enough to understand simple net earnings and sales. The hypocrisy of this moment in time will stick with me forever.
Here's a thought. Lead by example. Explain to your readers why these numbers are important and why they should pay attention to them. Your readers are young and impressionable... maybe you can steer them on the proper course instead of them sitting at home learning how to improperly spell because of you.
Thinking this couldn't get any worse, I read on. Low and behold, what do I find? That's right, your shitty attitude towards a company that is booming. A company that is IN YOUR FIELD. A company that will be opening up 400 stores and giving NEW JOBS to people that are JOBLESS in this economic catastrophe. These jobless people are your GOD DAMN, MOTHER FUCKING READERS! But that doesn't matter, right? As long as you get to make an unprovoked jab using fabricated fact about the company for a couple chuckles from your 'moronic' readers.
Jesus Christ how do you not think about what you write before you write it? If I ever have the displeasure of meeting you in person, I find comfort in the knowledge that I will completely destroy you on a verbal level. You are filth.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
It'd Be A Mean, Mean Person If I DIDN'T Make Fun Of You
Are you serious with that sentence? I mean, really. I guess I can accept the fact that none of you half-wits read your own posts, probably because you think you are god's gift to journalism, but what about reading your co-workers' posts? Is that too much to ask? How do you fucking morons miss this shit!?Great Job, Kotaku Gives Mr. McWhertor 'A The' Chance To Proofread
Great Job! Your chance has expired!
Well, At Least You Spelled San Francisco Properly This Time
Yay, Brian, you're learning! Oh wait. :/Source: http://kotaku.com/5176889/game-developers-conference-its-on
Kotaku Recruits Idiot From THE EAST. Oh Wait, It's Just Asscraft
DUDE. FUCK YOU. This is normally Nature Watch's area, but that boy is in the middle of killing himself because of your existance.
I never realized how often you do this. This blog not only brings Kotaku's consistent, daily, and unforgivable grammar to light, but it blows my mind how special you think you are for fucking living in NIPPON! God damn it. You are FROM AMERICA. If you are going to call us "The West" why on Earth don't you call yourself "The East"? How about changing it up a bit? Stateside. The USA. The United States of America. Cah-toon Land. Any of these are acceptable!
Barring all that... this game is not ONLY FOR JAPAN. Nice headline, moron.
Oh, and on something completely unrelated... Quit it with that minibash and microbash shit. You're a god damn adult. "My son did this... my younger son did that." See how pleasant that sounds?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Tough Economic Times Call For Hard Cocks
We are greatly distraught over the huge hit that the world's economy has taken in the past six months. Truly we need to get back on the right track and reassure the global markets that investor security will bHEY CHECK OUT THIS HOT ASIAN CHICK LET'S ALL JACK OFF.P.S. From Gaston: "Marvelous Entertainment has asking" -- Asscraft
Source: http://kotaku.com/5181271/marvelous-entertainment-asks-17-percent-of-workforce-to-quit
Owen Good Deiivers More Spelling Errors!
I wish Owen would serve himself a nutritious breakfast, namely my sperm. Maybe with the extra protein he'll have the energy to proofread his fucking articles. God damn it.Monday, March 23, 2009
The Is, PETA Care Packages Of The Future!
Today, Mike Fahey brings us the heart warming news that PETA, lover of all creatures, has sent a care package to Activision in response to the latest Call of Duty game, which features dog killing. The name of this special package? The Is.
Proofread your shit, dummy.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Fatties Unable To Signal End Of Wii eBay Hunting, Fahey Says
In a stunning article today, Mike Fahey bashes overweight people by not including them in the signaling of an end to ebay tracking available Wii's. Simply abhorent.New Post (Japan Time)
Really Brian? REALLY?? Like we didn't know you were speaking about yourself, once again, IN JAPAN!
Dear God we don't care about your fucking sleep schedule. Get a life! UGHGHGUEBGLKSRDjhbgfdsjkgvbnlkjb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Series Touted For It Is Technical Proficiency
Find out if a website touted for its journalistic excellence and high standards for grammar can thrive under the scrunity of Great Job, Kotaku.Spoiler: IT FUCKING CAN'T!
P.S. This is the third post specifically referencing Mike Fahey's inability to use the apostrophe correctly.
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