Redefining Subtlety

I JUST CAN'T STAY AWAY! My hate for these hack fucks just keeps me coming back.
I can't be bothered to watch the video (really, a video to show a shirt??), but the design on that shirt pretty much redefines "subtle." I don't think you're allowed to use that word to describe ANYTHING if DJ Pauly D has seven of them in his closet at the Shore. When 95% of your readership regularly wears sweatpants with elasticized ankles, you are not qualified to comment on fashion. EVER.
Also, cool shoutout there, awesome journalistic integrity and all. Pay for play on Gawker, kids!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5749212/shuma-gorath-versus-servbot

Kotaku Rakes In The Shitty Proofreading

Seriously? Seriously. EIGHT HUNDRED SIXTY DOLLARS.

Great proofreading, you fucking excuse for a news blog!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5214468/blizzardvision-rakes-in-the-dough

I Spent $5 in Chicago With Tristan And All I Got Was This Lousy Article

... make sure that any events using their console aren't...
... make sure that any event using their console isn't...

Pick one of those, and then fix your run-on sentence you idiot. Tristan has probably learned these things in school by now, so maybe you should ask him next time you're unsure. I bet he'd be glad to help.

Now that I've deciphered what you were trying to say, I have to agree with you, Brian. It's totally shitty for Microsoft to allow just anyone to buy their consoles and then allow people to play them. Hopefully next time I'm at a party and someone busts out Rock Band, Microsoft employees will show up at the door and make sure there are enough consoles to go around.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5200201/how-to-waste-5-on-the-xbox-360-in-chicago

America's Army 3: Are You Interested In Some of It Is Amazing Features?

And just when I thought you guys were going to run us out of business, you deliver this beautiful gem:

"If you're interested in reading up on how the game plays and some of it's amazing features, like tactical sound, realistic ricochet and how gravity effects the bullets your fire, make sure to check out our hands on with the game."

Thanks, Crecente. I can feed my starving mouth once again. It's very hungry. (See, I took two words, "it" and "is" and used an apostrophe to conjoin them together! ::winku:: )

Source: http://kotaku.com/5190957/americas-army-3-coming-to-steam

Brian Crecente is making my life difficult

Man, we were going through a drought there over the weekend. Owen "writes kinda" Good made me think for a second that you guys might actually be catching on. Thankfully though, Crecente stepped in this morning and set things right. Er, wrong.

Seriously though Brian, if you're gonna make three obvious errors in the same story, can you at least have the decency to put them all close together? Your errors are so widespread that I had to screencap them three times. I'm starting to think you're doing this on purpose so we'll get lazy and skip stuff like this. Wait, you guys are far too stupid for such a clever plan. Nevermind.I discovered that you don't know your tenses.
So, id is incorporating this veil into every multiplayer game ever? That's a tall order. On a related note, I think I might start putting my adjectives after my nouns too. It makes me sound old-timey when I'm making fun of the websites ridiculous.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5190809/wolfenstein-lifts-the-veil

Holy Shit Brian, Please See A Doctor!

I am seriously worried about you. I'm hoping this is because of some GDC high, or maybe too many cocks in your mouth and hands as you type. That sentence is unbearable.

P.S. Holy fuck, I just re-read it after posting. I am flabbergasted.

P.P.S. Wow, me and Blake simulposted AGAIN. I love this blog.
Source: http://kotaku.com/5184511/hands-on-with-iphones-star-defense

When typing the how when who into with what I hate you stupid jerks.

My nose started bleeding when I tried to make sense of this paragraph. That second sentence quite literally made me yell out loud in frustration. How can you let this slide, Brian? How in the ever living fuck you 'tards can even manage to turn a computer on, let alone convince someone to pay you for this is nothing short of a goddamn miracle. It's fucked up. ALMOST as fucked up as that second sentence.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5184511/hands-on-with-iphones-star-defense

How Is Babby Formed?

They need to do way instain mother!

Three in a row, Brian. Proofread your shit, you caveman.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183260/the-brutal-art-of-brutal-legend

Crecente Gets Boner for id Software, Loses All Blood From His Head

My horrible day has been turned around! Thank you Brian for your unbelievable post. I think this is a record. All you need to do is read your own writing ONCE. Just ONCE, and you would fix these ridiculous errors.

God you're a fucking retard.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183223/id-considering-enemy-territory-for-quake-live-treatment

Well, At Least You Spelled San Francisco Properly This Time

Yay, Brian, you're learning! Oh wait. :/

Source: http://kotaku.com/5176889/game-developers-conference-its-on

Are Blue The Third Is Red, Confesses Crecente!

I love how the lack of a single comma can make the most professional journalists appear like complete jackasses.

Ha! I said professional. I slay myself.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5182346/impressions-split-second-blends-well+timed-destruction-racing

Mike Fahey's Writimg Reaches New Low

What more is there to say? He can't even see the obvious starimg him in the fuckimg face when it is sittimg right there in the god damn ARTICLE TITLE!

Please to be BOMBIMG yourself you piece of shit. UGH.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5180460/weekly-wii-update-shooting-bombimg-and-popping

Briiiiaaan Crecenteee! The San Franciso Treat! DING DING!

Hey Brian, maybe you should leave the San Francisco reporting to your San Francisco correspondent, AJ Glasser! At least he knows how to spell the fucking name of the city he is in!

Idiot.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5176889/game-developers-conference-its-on

Brian Crecente Appears Brain Damaged, Birth Records Confirm

The blah blah has revealed in the, that [temp link] will be available on some date/replace soon, when something something gets approved by the ESRB.

Way to proofread, Brian Crecente. You are a star!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5173826/songbird-appears-in-marvel-ultimate-alliance-2

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PROOFREAD ONCE!? WHY!?!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5172207/iphone-sims-3-unveiled-features-streaming-music-dlc

PSP To Bring Skyrocketting Prices To Mange

Back in the old days I remember being able to get mange for free! Those little parasitic mites would jump on you like nobody's business. Now we got the BIG MAN negotiating prices with their agents, while they complain about getting better skin to munch on. It's just a big mess. Thanks for adding to the bureaucracy of it all, Sony! GOD!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5171904/playstation-portable-getting-mammoth-comic-support

Continuing In It Is Tradition, Kotaku Sucks With Grammar

Are you KIDDING me?!

IT IS?

IT IS?

IT IS?

Go back to school! I am begging you!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5170505/house-of-the-dead-overkill-breaks-f+ing-record

Oh No He Di'n't!

Snap giiiiiiiirl. Did you just see what he done diiiiiiiid? OH MAH LAWD!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5170506/uk-gets-halo-3-pgr4-mass-effect-price-drops

Great Job, Kotaku Is Looking For New Writers. Can't Keep Up With Demand!

26 posts in three days. Great job!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5168607/pikmin-2-and-donkey-kong-jungle-beat-get-new-play-control

Guinness Ignores Math, Crecente Doesn't Mind!

Good to know the stiff upper lip of records and number keeping put away their calculator for the night. Luckily, I have one on hand! (Hint: It's my 2nd grade math brain!)

Let's see heeeeeere.... "On April 29, 2008, Grand Theft Auto IV generated $310 million of sales worldwide in one day, five times the revenue generated by The Dark Knight in its first 24 hours of release."

Five times you say? Hmmmm.... The average movie ticket price is $10 to $12 dollars (¥1000 to ¥1200 yen, in case you are reading, Mr. Asscraft), and the current price for a brand new video game is $60 dollars. Stay with me kiddies, here is where we have to use our left side! Who here can tell me how many times 12 goes into 60? Very GOOD, Brian. The answer is 5!

tl;dr - Customer numbers were the same, you idiot.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5167955/guinness-list-of-resident-evil-and-grand-theft-auto-records