Yeah, Thank Goodness.

Oh, good. I'm glad Cave is porting Mushihime-sama Futari, because when I've played 5pb's ports I've notiOH WAIT WE CAN'T PLAY THOSE GAMES HERE IN "THE WEST."

I normally wouldn't go out of my way to post more "onry in Japan" bullshit, but something's fishy about this one. Could it be that it was posted because Cave is the developer behind everyone's favorite big squishy tits loli shooter DeathSmiles? KAWAII! ^-^!!!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5222247/developer-continues-to-struggle-with-shooter-ports

How Many People Want Kotaku Editor a Fired?

I've been away from GJK for awhile, busy with life, and to be completely honest, sick of Kotaku. I experienced some sort of burnout. I stopped reading, stopped checking... stopped caring. Sad really, because I remember laughing incredibly hard at the misfortune of Kotaku's staff.

But like a gift from the Gods, reading the new posts from my partners brought the bounce back into my step. A surge of some hope, that I could pick ANY article at random, and find a gem. I scrolled through the list of recent news and my eyes locked onto the gorgeous Orbital Frame from Zone of the Enders. I then noticed it was written by Brian Asscraft. God I wish I could place bets with these odds.

"ZoE spawned two three sequels as well as two anime."

Two three sequels?? Well which is it?!

"How many people really want Zone of the Enders a sequel?"

Nice.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5220446/kojima-productions-who-wants-zone-of-the-enders-3

Thanks For Letting Me Know

I'm glad you included that little disclaimer at the end, asshat. It would be a shame for your Japanese readership (less than 1%) to get their hopes up only to discover that there isn't a Pokémon x-ray machine in their hospital.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5214361/the-pokemon-x+ray-machine

Kotaku Is Full Of Shit, Doesn't Apologize

Article 1: Kotaku claims that Ghostbusters for the PSP is on its way thanks to their sniffing around the ESRB's dumpster or some shit.

Article 2: Kotaku reveals that Ghostbusters is NOT headed to the PSP because "Sometimes (the ESRB is) not such a great resource."

Article 3: Kotaku apologizes for lying to their readership by claiming that a game was destined for release simply from gleaning info from a sometimes unreliable source.

OH WAIT.

That last article doesn't exist because Kotaku is too fucking proud/lazy/incompetent to admit they made a mistake. Of course, rectifying every mistake Kotaku makes would be a lot of work. Hell, you could almost fill an entire blog with Kotaku's mistakes.

Sources:
http://kotaku.com/5193944/the-ghostbusters-coming-to-psp
http://kotaku.com/5197528/atari-busts-hopes-of-ghostbusters-for-psp

America's Army 3: Are You Interested In Some of It Is Amazing Features?

And just when I thought you guys were going to run us out of business, you deliver this beautiful gem:

"If you're interested in reading up on how the game plays and some of it's amazing features, like tactical sound, realistic ricochet and how gravity effects the bullets your fire, make sure to check out our hands on with the game."

Thanks, Crecente. I can feed my starving mouth once again. It's very hungry. (See, I took two words, "it" and "is" and used an apostrophe to conjoin them together! ::winku:: )

Source: http://kotaku.com/5190957/americas-army-3-coming-to-steam

Brian Ashcraft is nearly 100 percent a failure

I drop shadows like MCA drops beats.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5191628/final-fantasy-xiii-uses-nearly-100-percent-of-ps3-power

Awful Writers Who Live In Glass Houses

Shouldn't throw stones at Egon.

Oh wait, no, maybe he lives in a Japanese glass house so he can throw stones cause it's made of some future polymer and won't break.

Go ahead and make shitty comments about other people's writing. Pot calling the kettle black, and all. Because everyone will remember your fantastic website 20 years from now when MINIBASH is still watching Ghostbusters.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5191263/egon-spengler-kind-of-helped-with-ghostbusters-game-dialogue

As has been previous announced, Asshat thinks we can all read pixelated Japanese.

At first, I thought Asshat himself interviewed Tetsuya Nomura for this article. Then, I realized that was ridiculous, because who would let themselves be interviewed by this doofus?

Then it occurred to me that he might have overheard this interview at the GDC. But no, remember that Asshat is in JAPAN JAPAN I LIVE IN JAPAN DESU NE!?

But I finally figured it out. Dickhole here read this in some unsourced Japanese magazine, and instead of referencing said article, he simply took a picture of it. Brilliant. Well, I guess since that's what real journalists do, I can do the same thing for my source:


Just kidding. I refernce my shit for real, jerks.

Source: ブライアンは、愚かな女です (That's Google Translate for "Brian is a stupid cunt")

Cool Story, Kotaku!

I made a blog where I talk shit about the horrific writing and inferior quality of journalism on Kotaku. This is it.

Don't even read the rest of the article. It doesn't get any better.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5172655/more-mass-effect-2-artwork

Kotaku: One Part Hopeless, One Part Waste Of Time

I'd rather be a tool for using "retro-licious" than be an illiterate fuck like yourself.

DIAF you piece of shit.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5170496/weekly-wii-update-the-bittrip-begins

Michael McWhertor Is Joins The Ranks!

Well, Mr. McWhertor, that didn't take long! (And in the first sentence, too. Bravo!) My quest for the lone Kotaku editor that can post without a grammatical error is almost at an end! Will there ever be a victor!?

Source: http://kotaku.com/5168878/sega-makes-us-release-of-virtual-on-xbla-official