Mike Fahey is Beyond Heinous, Ironic

In a world where Lindsay Lohan's white courtroom dress, (read: whore costume), draws more attention than the 1200 planets recently discovered by NASA's Kepler spacecraft, I've come to expect the worst things out of the media and the people who read it.

I guess I had a lapse in maintaining my expectation when I clicked on Kotaku today. You see, some dormant part of me still hopes and prays that one day Kotaku will not be an embarrassment to video game players everywhere. That maybe one day Mike Fahey will actually think before he clicks 'post', or perhaps gain a shred of literary intelligence by reading a book, a magazine, or even a cocktail napkin with some words on it.

That hope is now gone.

Hey Mike, would you like to know a shitty way to teach a child a new word? Reading Kotaku's god damn front page that is NSFW, you fucking cunt. Having a NSFW tag is absolutely useless when your fucking FRONT PAGE has the word "shitty" written on. Now my nine year old daughter is aware of this word and I get to sit and hope she doesn't accidentally use it at school when I'm not around to tell her it's wrong.

Fuck you. I hope you get raped by a chimp.

P.S. I'm allowed to curse this much because this blog isn't a 'journalistic' website with 50k views a day.

Source: http://kotaku.com/#!5757100/this-is-a-shitty-way-to-teach-a-child-new-words

WARNING WARNING! Luke Knows Shit About Network Code!!

Man. There is nothing I hate more than someone who assumes something ridiculously complicated should be ridiculously simple. (That's not true. Drivers who don't use their turn signals, I hate more.)

Okay, sure, Sony is experiencing a major snafu this weekend with its online/offline game playing problem. To be honest, I had zero time to play my beloved Heavy Rain on either day to even notice this problem, but of course I have this disgusting urge to read Kotaku and "keep up with current events" if you will.

I'll spare the formalities and just jump to the meat.

Fuck you, Luke. The "design process" you are so non-chalantly referring to incorporates so many company facets and hundreds of thousands of lines of code that even trying to listen to a lead engineer give a simple overview would make your head spin.

If you knew about anything in the video game world you would take 3 seconds to realize that OFFLINE and ONLINE play are DIRECTLY related as a security measure against bootleggers and pirates. I bet you think game artists need to "tighten up the graphics of level 3" before Gold Disc submission. UGH.

I hate your bullshit reporting.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5482328/ps3s-suffering-from-global-network-lockdown

Japan: A World Without Scanners

I'm sad to report that there are NO WORKING SCANNERS IN ALL OF JAPAN. The only way that residents of the most technologically advanced society on earth can capture the printed word digitally, is to photograph it with their 30 megapixel cameraphones. Unfortunately, our country's bandwidth is unable to cope with such large images, so smaller versions of these images are frequently displayed on American websites. Most style guides will dictate that because the vast majority of our nation cannot read the Japanese language, these small images serve as an appropriate source for the accompanying article.

tl:dr Bash-hole posted a thumbnail of a photo of a magazine that we can't read and called it news.




Source: http://kotaku.com/5202995/eagerly-awaited-koei-ps3-title-still-in-development

Brian Ashcraft is nearly 100 percent a failure

I drop shadows like MCA drops beats.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5191628/final-fantasy-xiii-uses-nearly-100-percent-of-ps3-power

As has been previous announced, Asshat thinks we can all read pixelated Japanese.

At first, I thought Asshat himself interviewed Tetsuya Nomura for this article. Then, I realized that was ridiculous, because who would let themselves be interviewed by this doofus?

Then it occurred to me that he might have overheard this interview at the GDC. But no, remember that Asshat is in JAPAN JAPAN I LIVE IN JAPAN DESU NE!?

But I finally figured it out. Dickhole here read this in some unsourced Japanese magazine, and instead of referencing said article, he simply took a picture of it. Brilliant. Well, I guess since that's what real journalists do, I can do the same thing for my source:


Just kidding. I refernce my shit for real, jerks.

Source: ブライアンは、愚かな女です (That's Google Translate for "Brian is a stupid cunt")