Flashback Friday: Asscraft 'Oblivious' to Proofreading 11 Years Ago

When I found this blast from the past I questioned how I could have missed it, and I think the reason is because Asscraft was hiding his best work on the Australian sister site of Kotaku. But that's fine with me because what a treat to find it 11 years later! Welcome to Flashback Fridays! (You shut your mouth I am aware it is Sunday today, KAREN).

Sigh... the title alone warned me to get ready, and sure, I have definitely changed over the last 11 years and cringed at some of the stuff I've said in the past, but even 11 years ago this would have boiled my blood. But before we get to the best part, no Asscraft article exists without a lack of proofreading:

Ah, the irony! I'll take sentences that make no sense god I wish you put a modicum of effort in to reading them just one time after writing them for 800, Alex.

"The answer is: 'That doesn't mean that she was obvious to Chun-Li — she wasn't.'"

What is Brian Asscraft's obliviousness to the word oblivious?

"Great job, Gaston. You have control of the board!"

I'll take scumbag misogynists who live in Japan and won't stop talking about their Japanese wife and Japanese schoolgirls for 1000, Alex!

"And THAT'S' the Daily Double. This scumbag who lives in Japan and won't stop talking about their Japanese wife and Japanese schoolgirls wrote this shitty line 11 years ago instead of standing up for the actress and calling out any fucking weeaboo that thinks in this manner."

Who is Brian Asscraft!

"Right again, Gaston. Bonus points for the correct pronunciation of his last name too. You're in the lead!"

Source: https://www.kotaku.com.au/2009/02/chunli_movie_actress_has_only_played_street_fighter_once-2/

Resident Cheese Beef Bowl Face Brian Asscraft Apologizes For Not Being Cool

Just kidding, he'll never do that because he's never going to start proofreading. Admit it, I got you with that clickbait didn't I? 

PLAYERZ. With a Z, Brian. Come on.

An apology? Apologies? Sega apologized? Wow, look at that. This writing stuff is easy. Maybe I should make content for a blog. Oh wait.

PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

Oh and secondly, it doesn't matter that Nagoshi is a SEGA exec, you god damn twerp, you shouldn't say those kind of things no matter who you are! (Unless you are a wonderful staff member of GJK specifically targeting terrible game "journalism" blogs). GOODBYE.

Source: https://kotaku.com/sega-apologies-after-producer-uses-slang-to-mock-puzzle-1844568653

Over the Years, Cunts Like This Are Have Been Will Could Them We ITS!

PROOFREAD. YOUR. FUCKING. BLOG. YOU. FUCKING. GOD DAMN. FUCKING. TOOL.

It's unreal. It's 50% of your posts, man. Just re-read them. Even after they have gone live. Re-read them and fix them.

You are the worst.

Source: http://kotaku.com/screw-waldo-lets-find-pikachu-1708391124

Japan: A World Without Scanners

I'm sad to report that there are NO WORKING SCANNERS IN ALL OF JAPAN. The only way that residents of the most technologically advanced society on earth can capture the printed word digitally, is to photograph it with their 30 megapixel cameraphones. Unfortunately, our country's bandwidth is unable to cope with such large images, so smaller versions of these images are frequently displayed on American websites. Most style guides will dictate that because the vast majority of our nation cannot read the Japanese language, these small images serve as an appropriate source for the accompanying article.

tl:dr Bash-hole posted a thumbnail of a photo of a magazine that we can't read and called it news.




Source: http://kotaku.com/5202995/eagerly-awaited-koei-ps3-title-still-in-development

Brian Ashcraft is nearly 100 percent a failure

I drop shadows like MCA drops beats.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5191628/final-fantasy-xiii-uses-nearly-100-percent-of-ps3-power

As has been previous announced, Asshat thinks we can all read pixelated Japanese.

At first, I thought Asshat himself interviewed Tetsuya Nomura for this article. Then, I realized that was ridiculous, because who would let themselves be interviewed by this doofus?

Then it occurred to me that he might have overheard this interview at the GDC. But no, remember that Asshat is in JAPAN JAPAN I LIVE IN JAPAN DESU NE!?

But I finally figured it out. Dickhole here read this in some unsourced Japanese magazine, and instead of referencing said article, he simply took a picture of it. Brilliant. Well, I guess since that's what real journalists do, I can do the same thing for my source:


Just kidding. I refernce my shit for real, jerks.

Source: ブライアンは、愚かな女です (That's Google Translate for "Brian is a stupid cunt")