HUH? (Man, I really hate it when I am so stumped I can't even think of anything funny).Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Mike Fahey Confuses Me On A Daily Basis
HUH? (Man, I really hate it when I am so stumped I can't even think of anything funny).
Tapping Is Like, Ohmigod, Like, Soooo Passe!
Normally I would forgive someone for such heinous writing skills at 4:00am, but we have to remember that Brian Asscraft is in Japan, (how could we not remember that guy tellsuseveryfuckingchancehegets!!!), and that 4:00am for us is actually mid-afternoon for him. Let's review:"Of course, the game is a touch screen game, so fingers tap the screen is expected. But to this degree, like where it's kinda hard to see what's going on at times? Shame that your thumbs keep getting in the way."
First off, it's 'tapping'. Fingers tapping the screen is expected. This is then followed up with 'but to this degree, like where it's kinda hard to see...' Like, omigod, like, I caaan't believe it, Crecente! Do you like, think he likes me, or only like, kindaaaaa likes me!? OMIGOD! ^_^
Empire: Total War, It Is Reign Continues
Kotaku's inability to correctly use apostrophes continues as well! Read a book, Luke! Ugh.Brian Asscraft Hints At Drinking On The Job
You're right, Brian, making video games is no walk in the park. Guess what is super easy though?PROOFREADING YOUR SHIT WRITING!
Source: http://kotaku.com/5172743/fable-caused-burn-out-games-developer-got-bad-ideas-while-drinking
In USA, I take to not giving a flying fuck
So apparently there's some kind of epidemic in nihon about R4s taking business away from nintendo, so they're going to be pulled off the shelves soon. Funny how R4s are not currently sold nor were they ever sold in any retail store in the US, and they're very easy to come across online. This news in no way informs me of anything I need to know. I swear to god, the day this guy realizes that the news he's reporting has absolutely NO bearing on what is actually informative and usable by his readerbase is the day I land a threesome with tina fey and famke janssen.
source: http://kotaku.com/5171236/in-akihabara-r4-retailers-take-to-the-streets
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Brian Asscraft Wishes This Chick is His Japanese Waifu
Hey guise do you think if I make a post about this super kawaii idol lady that she'll acknowledge my shitty video game website!!!11!!
She wrote a book in 2005! She blogged a lot in 2006! Oh she got an Xbox 360.
RELEVANT! NEWSWORTHY!
Oh, wait, boobs, my bad. JAPANESE BOOBS SUMIMASEN BRIAN-SAN
Cool Story, Kotaku!
I made a blog where I talk shit about the horrific writing and inferior quality of journalism on Kotaku. This is it.
Na na na nanana REAL TIMES
Kotaku, your writing is DY-NO-MITE
And so is your stupid fucking holier-than-thee editing style:
Kotaku References Wordsmiths, I Instantly Choke From Laughter
I don't think it could be any more perfect than this. Thank you Michael McWhertor. I have been waiting for this moment."Sony will let wordsmiths buy not one just one vowel, but seven, as Wheel of Fortune arrives on the North American PlayStation Store this Thursday."
...wordsmiths buy not one just one...
...wordsmiths buy not one just one...
...wordsmiths buy not one just one...
...wordsmiths buy not one just one...
...wordsmiths buy not one just one...
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PROOFREAD ONCE!? WHY!?!
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PSP To Bring Skyrocketting Prices To Mange
Back in the old days I remember being able to get mange for free! Those little parasitic mites would jump on you like nobody's business. Now we got the BIG MAN negotiating prices with their agents, while they complain about getting better skin to munch on. It's just a big mess. Thanks for adding to the bureaucracy of it all, Sony! GOD!Square Enix Gets A Name Change, Adds Lowercase 'the'
Today is was announced by Mike Fahey, over at Kotaku.com, that Square Enix has changed their company name to the Square Enix. I gotta admit Mike, you really delivered this as close to under the radar as possible, but who am I to dispute your amazing reporting skills, right?New Multiplayer Au Pair Flight Game, Says Asscraft
As I have clearly highlighted, you can see that our resident Japanese douchebag is using some kind of fusion Wapanese spelling to describe this up and coming multiplayer shooter's au pair mode. Normally I would rip on his lack of understanding of the French language, but I am just too boggled at the game's offline mode to even care about Asscraft right now.
Great Job!
"Sanding" Teammates Considered For New Geneva Convention Laws
Luke, two in a row! Great start on your new position! Your teammates must have told you we like to see instant turn around when given a promotion. Great job following through because, who knows, you might have been sanded!No New Is Good New Part 2!
This new is just so new! Or maybe I am just new to the English language!Luke! Welcome to the other side. You have officially crossed over and joined the rest of your brain dead team! Congratulations!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Voice Of Character Brian Kotaku
I really don't understand your sentence structure. Does living in Japan cause your brain to type in Engrish? Do you do it on purpose so people say to themselves, "Wow, his Japanese wife in Japan really has influenced his English way of speaking when submitting articles from Japan"?Fuck man, maybe you went to a different school where they teach Martian grammar, but any normal human being can read that sentence and say, 'hey, something is wrong with how this sounds in my head!'
Owen Good's Fresh Start Doesn't Include Literacy
Hit that shift key, mister! Proofreading helps too!(If you ever read this, Owen, my apologies for not being funny. I'm still disgusted by your workmate, Mike Fahey. Fear not, though, I'm sure you'll fuck up royally soon enough!)
This Just In! Mike Fahey Continues To Be An Asshole!
Hey Mike, Gaston here again. The last time I supremely hated on you for something other than grammar or spelling was for your ridiculous stance on Sony pulling the Killzone ads in Canada. It's amazing that right as my blood finally started to dip under a simmer, you feel it necessary to post some heinously unrelated grouping of words that completely twists the theme of a game targeted to preteens.
Are you seriously this deprived in your sexual nature that you need to somehow turn Cooking Mama into a perverted hentai game, just to get some laughs from your braindead Kcommenters? Is this what you imagined growing up, going to school for journalism, (yeah right)? Have you been waiting for your moment to shine but instead of writing a solid piece of news, you just follow in the footsteps of Brian Asscraft and string together some sexual jokes?
Please, the next time you think it wise to infect the web with your crude writing, at least let it be about a game that isn't on the top of my 8 year old daughter's birthday list.
Go have fun sploshing with your fucking blowup doll you demented shit.
P.S. Alternate titles included Mike Fahey Attempts To Plant Brain, Fails, and I Can't Wait To Meet You In An Alley.
Continuing In It Is Tradition, Kotaku Sucks With Grammar
Are you KIDDING me?!
IT IS?
IT IS?
IT IS?
Go back to school! I am begging you!
Kotaku: One Part Hopeless, One Part Waste Of Time
I'd rather be a tool for using "retro-licious" than be an illiterate fuck like yourself.
DIAF you piece of shit.
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