Kotaku Recruits Idiot From THE EAST. Oh Wait, It's Just Asscraft

DUDE. FUCK YOU. This is normally Nature Watch's area, but that boy is in the middle of killing himself because of your existance.

I never realized how often you do this. This blog not only brings Kotaku's consistent, daily, and unforgivable grammar to light, but it blows my mind how special you think you are for fucking living in NIPPON! God damn it. You are FROM AMERICA. If you are going to call us "The West" why on Earth don't you call yourself "The East"? How about changing it up a bit? Stateside. The USA. The United States of America. Cah-toon Land. Any of these are acceptable!

Barring all that... this game is not ONLY FOR JAPAN. Nice headline, moron.

Oh, and on something completely unrelated... Quit it with that minibash and microbash shit. You're a god damn adult. "My son did this... my younger son did that." See how pleasant that sounds?

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183035/bionic-commando-gets-firm-release-date-for-japan

Teeming With Life or Teeming With Lye?

Seriously... no sarcasm whatsoever. Considering you are describing the city's ability to look good or evil, "teeming with life" and "teeming with lye" can both work. It's just a damn shame none of you ever proofread your writing and gaurantee us some solid journalism.

Okay so I'm stretching with the whole 'lye is evil' thing, but you get my point! We don't have 70+ posts in 2 weeks because we're making this shit up.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5183004/be-good-be-evil-in-infamous

Tough Economic Times Call For Hard Cocks

We are greatly distraught over the huge hit that the world's economy has taken in the past six months. Truly we need to get back on the right track and reassure the global markets that investor security will bHEY CHECK OUT THIS HOT ASIAN CHICK LET'S ALL JACK OFF.

P.S. From Gaston: "Marvelous Entertainment has asking" -- Asscraft

Source: http://kotaku.com/5181271/marvelous-entertainment-asks-17-percent-of-workforce-to-quit

Are Blue The Third Is Red, Confesses Crecente!

I love how the lack of a single comma can make the most professional journalists appear like complete jackasses.

Ha! I said professional. I slay myself.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5182346/impressions-split-second-blends-well+timed-destruction-racing

Owen Good Deiivers More Spelling Errors!

I wish Owen would serve himself a nutritious breakfast, namely my sperm. Maybe with the extra protein he'll have the energy to proofread his fucking articles. God damn it.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5179129/super-nintoaster---its-for-breakfast-now

Brian Asscraft's Triumphant Return To The Land of The Rising Sun Desu Ne!

For a second I scared myself. I thought that brian-san had abandoned emporer hirohito in favor of getting a pint down at the pub. Luckily my fears proved fruitless when I read THE FIRST FUCKING WORD OF THAT HEADLINE. Seriously what the fucking jesus christ. I'm sure I would be lost an unable to keep myself together if I didn't have a real-time feed of what the fuck the shoppers in osaka den-den are most content with. Thank the lord that my personal information-on-what-the-japanese-are-doing news ticker is back up and fully operational, because I just might of had to kill myself if I had to live another hour without it. I think I'll kill myself anyway just for good measure.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5179724/japanese-gamers-more-satisfied-with-xbox-360-than-wii-or-ps3

Asscraft Abandons Japs, Becomes a Limey Brit!

Mr. Asscraft has been so kind to inform us that the new need for speed game hits shelves on September 17th, and then September 22nd in the USA. Naturally, after reading this, I raced to GJ,K to make a post about how he didn't feel the need to qualify the first release date with a location, but had to qualify the second, just to show that he's in japan not USA. After a 5 second google search (Something people at kotaku are seemingly incapable of when doing their fact checking most of the time), I actually discovered that he's referring to the european release date! Well, well, well, I guess we can now officially say that Asscraft is no longer trying to identify as wapanese, and has officially moved on to becoming bloody good chums with some mates down at his flat.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5180226/need-for-speed-shift-shifts-into-september

Mike Fahey's Writimg Reaches New Low

What more is there to say? He can't even see the obvious starimg him in the fuckimg face when it is sittimg right there in the god damn ARTICLE TITLE!

Please to be BOMBIMG yourself you piece of shit. UGH.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5180460/weekly-wii-update-shooting-bombimg-and-popping

Briiiiaaan Crecenteee! The San Franciso Treat! DING DING!

Hey Brian, maybe you should leave the San Francisco reporting to your San Francisco correspondent, AJ Glasser! At least he knows how to spell the fucking name of the city he is in!

Idiot.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5176889/game-developers-conference-its-on

The Is, PETA Care Packages Of The Future!

Today, Mike Fahey brings us the heart warming news that PETA, lover of all creatures, has sent a care package to Activision in response to the latest Call of Duty game, which features dog killing. The name of this special package? The Is.

Proofread your shit, dummy.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5180837/peta-fights-call-of-duty-dog-killing-with-nintendogs

Kotaku sucks...the is, they can't post a story without errors.

For fuck's sake Mike, do you ever proofread anything!? Wouldn't ONE of the two obvious errors in this sentence jump out at you? Shit, you're making PETA look reputable by comparison.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5180837/peta-fights-call-of-duty-dog-killing-with-nintendogs

Scale is all relative

LOL I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER HOW DOES BLOG GET HERE

Jesus christ man, can't you see that dude lookin' all Danny DeVito upins?!
Also I am actually quite surprised that there was no mention of the fact the guy's name is Heini. You stay classy, Kotaku!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5179225/german-cops-union-boss-issues-tired-plea-to-ban-games

Great Job, Gizmodo

I am now officially convinced that the entire gawker network is the biggest cesspool of mouth breathing, neckbeard sporting, fanny-pack wearing, leatherman equipped, wapanese faggots to ever walk to the face of god's green earth. I must say that I'm uncertain god exists if these fat fucks do as well.

I mean come on. This guy named MATT FUCKING BUCHANAN hates the way WHITE PEOPLE EAT ASIAN FOOD. I don't know what makes you so fucking special to be able detatch yourself from what you are, and somehow pretend you're a high and mighty yellow skinned savior. I don't understand how a whole company whose business is informative blogs can pack their staff with these assholes. It's like they're in a contest to see how many sites they can make that people don't want to visit.

I'm going to go do something less painful, like sticking my dick in an oven


Source: http://i.gizmodo.com/5175457/the-chopsticks-aid-turns-chopsticks-into-forks-for-lousy-white-people

HEY CHECK OUT HOW HOT THIS ASIAN CHICK IS

AREN'T ASIAN CHICKS HOT? YEAH I KNOW THEY TOTALLY ARE. THIS ONE IS REALLY HOT. MY WIFE IS ASIAN, DID YOU KNOW THAT? THAT MEANS SHE'S HOT. I'M MARRIED TO A HOT ASIAN WOMAN. SHE'S FROM JAPAN. OSAKA, JAPAN. I PUT MY WEINER IN HER.


I hate this man with every fiber of my being.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5177793/this-girl-is-wearing-a-famicom-bikini-she-crafted-herself

Now featuring weeaboo content that extends beyond the boundaries of my screen

Fucking look at this shit! I tried to take a screenshot with the picture and a good portion of text, but I COULDN'T BECAUSE THE GOD DAMN JAPANESE BROAD IS TAKING UP MY ENTIRE WEB BROWSER. Also, please take note that if you scroll down, you see another screen full of thumbnails of this bitch. Kotaku: Where news means pictures of asian girls in dresses.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5174427/shoko-nakagawa-returns-but-minus-the-mecha-cosplay

Fatties Unable To Signal End Of Wii eBay Hunting, Fahey Says

In a stunning article today, Mike Fahey bashes overweight people by not including them in the signaling of an end to ebay tracking available Wii's. Simply abhorent.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5175088/gamestop-wii-supply-finally-meets-wii-demand

New Post (Japan Time)

Really Brian? REALLY?? Like we didn't know you were speaking about yourself, once again, IN JAPAN!

Dear God we don't care about your fucking sleep schedule. Get a life! UGHGHGUEBGLKSRDjhbgfdsjkgvbnlkjb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5174905/what-should-i-do-tomorrow

A lil' plural/singular errors

So tell me, how many lil' mini-sub accessories do I get? You know what else is totally chibi? Michael McWhertor's writing skills.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5174337/shooting-game-capsule-toys-in-glorious-color

Brian Crecente Appears Brain Damaged, Birth Records Confirm

The blah blah has revealed in the, that [temp link] will be available on some date/replace soon, when something something gets approved by the ESRB.

Way to proofread, Brian Crecente. You are a star!

Source: http://kotaku.com/5173826/songbird-appears-in-marvel-ultimate-alliance-2

Series Touted For It Is Technical Proficiency

Find out if a website touted for its journalistic excellence and high standards for grammar can thrive under the scrunity of Great Job, Kotaku.

Spoiler: IT FUCKING CAN'T!

P.S. This is the third post specifically referencing Mike Fahey's inability to use the apostrophe correctly.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5173357/frankenreview-grand-theft-auto-chinatown-wars