News Flash: Big Titted Video Game Character Figures!

Bad grammar, unnecessarily sexual content, and Japanese products that are nearly irrelevant to the average American gamer. The Trifecta of Fuckup rears its ugly head again.

Luke, the only thing worse than some weirdo meticulously documenting the tits on an action figure is you reposting it as news. Yes, there are goons out there that beat off to the $200 statuettes that clutter their sticky computer desk. No, nobody wants to read about it.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5488020/another-busty-valkyria-chronicles-figure-sure-why-not/gallery/

WARNING WARNING! Luke Knows Shit About Network Code!!

Man. There is nothing I hate more than someone who assumes something ridiculously complicated should be ridiculously simple. (That's not true. Drivers who don't use their turn signals, I hate more.)

Okay, sure, Sony is experiencing a major snafu this weekend with its online/offline game playing problem. To be honest, I had zero time to play my beloved Heavy Rain on either day to even notice this problem, but of course I have this disgusting urge to read Kotaku and "keep up with current events" if you will.

I'll spare the formalities and just jump to the meat.

Fuck you, Luke. The "design process" you are so non-chalantly referring to incorporates so many company facets and hundreds of thousands of lines of code that even trying to listen to a lead engineer give a simple overview would make your head spin.

If you knew about anything in the video game world you would take 3 seconds to realize that OFFLINE and ONLINE play are DIRECTLY related as a security measure against bootleggers and pirates. I bet you think game artists need to "tighten up the graphics of level 3" before Gold Disc submission. UGH.

I hate your bullshit reporting.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5482328/ps3s-suffering-from-global-network-lockdown

#fuckingfailure

OH good, everyone looking for SCRRENS will know RIGHT where to go!

What's fucking hilarious is that you click on that and you actually get ANOTHER story where he misspelled the tag.

Source: http://kotaku.com/tag/scrrens/

Clean Your Room, Mikey, or I Won't Write Your Kotaku Posts!

Seriously you fucking hack, did your mother write this post for you? No one with any knowledge of music OR video games could have written this drivel.

You make a bunch of shitty comments about musicians that your main demographic probably worships, and try to make your non-opinions into some sort of news? Its not news when you don't know who an artist is, you no-talent loser.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5475680/rock-band-next-week-him-marilyn-manson-call-the-police

Everything Is Better In Japan

EVEN THE INTERNET

Because, according to Asscraft, rumors are circulating on the JAPANESE INTERNET

Clearly superior to the slow, fat, lazy American Internet!

Is there a point where his ridiculous attitude towards Japan/America constitutes racism? Nah, I won't play that card yet. Because I'm sure we'll get the chance later.

Source: http://kotaku.com/5474554/dont-worry-about-final-fantasy-xi-just-yet

Haru Cares - NO ONE.

Oh my shit did you seriously make a post on a gaming blog about a movie released on 24 screens IN JAPAN

YOU DID

And, you went so far as to illustrate your shitty point with two really superbly boring screencaptures!

Why did I click on the #haruhisuzumiya tag. I cannot believe you, a grown man, married to a Japanese woman, who lives in Japan, can care THAT MUCH ABOUT AN ANIMU GIRL

Source: http://kotaku.com/5474587/so-hows-the-haruhi-suzumiya-movie-doing

Alan Wake Preview: And By Preview, I Mean I Will Type The Whole Thing Out

You know what, I can't be bothered to make an image for this one because its like 14 screens long.

But he really did type out what seems to be the entire fucking plot.

BREVITY IS THE SOUL OF WIT, douchebags

Source: http://kotaku.com/5474668/alan-wake-preview-the-first-full-episode

can't stay away from this trainwreck!

So I stupidly go to Kotaku to see what's up lately. The second story on the front page has a huge fucking blaring error.

THE BITCH IS BACK

Comic book HEROIN. Dumbfuck, this cat-girl-thing is not a comic book heroin. She is a heroinE. If anything is a comic book heroin, it's pre-rehab Robert Downey, Jr.

(disclamer: I LOVE HIM but I'm keepin it real)

(second disclaimer: I'm a cosplayer and I'm looking forward to the horrors this character will create in the world of cosplssss)

Source: http://kotaku.com/5474723/blade-kitten-takes-a-stab-at-psn-this-spring