Sunday, August 2, 2020

Flashback Friday: Asscraft 'Oblivious' to Proofreading 11 Years Ago

When I found this blast from the past I questioned how I could have missed it, and I think the reason is because Asscraft was hiding his best work on the Australian sister site of Kotaku. But that's fine with me because what a treat to find it 11 years later! Welcome to Flashback Fridays! (You shut your mouth I am aware it is Sunday today, KAREN).


Sigh... the title alone warned me to get ready, and sure, I have definitely changed over the last 11 years and cringed at some of the stuff I've said in the past, but even 11 years ago this would have boiled my blood. But before we get to the best part, no Asscraft article exists without a lack of proofreading:


Ah, the irony! I'll take sentences that make no sense god I wish you put a modicum of effort in to reading them just one time after writing them for 800, Alex.

"The answer is: 'That doesn't mean that she was obvious to Chun-Li — she wasn't.'"

What is Brian Asscraft's obliviousness to the word oblivious?

"Great job, Gaston. You have control of the board!"

I'll take scumbag misogynists who live in Japan and won't stop talking about their Japanese wife and Japanese schoolgirls for 1000, Alex!

"And THAT'S' the Daily Double. This scumbag who lives in Japan and won't stop talking about their Japanese wife and Japanese schoolgirls wrote this shitty line 11 years ago instead of standing up for the actress and calling out any fucking weeaboo that thinks in this manner."


Who is Brian Asscraft!

"Right again, Gaston. Bonus points for the correct pronunciation of his last name too. You're in the lead!"

Source: https://www.kotaku.com.au/2009/02/chunli_movie_actress_has_only_played_street_fighter_once-2/

Kotaku Fails To Launch Line of PCs With Spell Check

Brian, I know working 4 hours a day as Editor in Chief takes up a lot of your Nippon culture-absorbing time to the point where you're typing these 'articles' with your left hand, polishing your Kurosawa nodachi with your right, and slapping Publish with your fucking gaijin topknot before re-reading your copy, so in a wacky universe where GJK doesn't exist it could maybe be understandable why some of your spelling and grammar errors slip through:


But we live in THIS universe and in THIS universe you still haven't proofread your shit for the last 10 years. For fuck's sake dude I just took two milliseconds out of my life and copy-pasted your sentence into a Gmail draft and it INSTANTLY told me something was awry:


Seriously, what fucking software do you pathetic excuse for writers use at Kotaku that you miss this kinda shit? Certainly must be some long making software (hehe). I really want to know. Do you just draft in notepad? Oh, sorry, 'noturopadu.' What happens when your ejaculate misses your napkin and hits your power strip, shorting it and causing your PC to restart? Do you lose everything you've written and just shrug it off like you're John Ritter on an episode of Three's Company because you know you can just slam your keyboard like a fucking LSD-tripping monkey and people will still read your garbage?

Maybe try composing your articles in Gmail from now on and save me from the inevitable aneurysm that has long BEEN forming in my skull from reading your shit.

Source: https://kotaku.com/konami-launches-a-line-of-gaming-pcs-1844541222


Friday, July 31, 2020

Resident Cheese Beef Bowl Face Brian Asscraft Apologizes For Not Being Cool

Just kidding, he'll never do that because he's never going to start proofreading. Admit it, I got you with that clickbait didn't I? 


PLAYERZ. With a Z, Brian. Come on.


An apology? Apologies? Sega apologized? Wow, look at that. This writing stuff is easy. Maybe I should make content for a blog. Oh wait.

PROOFREAD YOUR SHIT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

Oh and secondly, it doesn't matter that Nagoshi is a SEGA exec, you god damn twerp, you shouldn't say those kind of things no matter who you are! (Unless you are a wonderful staff member of GJK specifically targeting terrible game "journalism" blogs). GOODBYE.


It's 2020 And Brian "Cunt" Asscraft Is Still At It!

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